by Chris Bourne
Spiritual Articles Authentic Reality
The consciousness shift is causing untold pressure.
Our consciousness shift is hotting up. People are unwinding, unfolding and breaking free from eons of constraint. It's a truly wonderful movement to behold. I feel blessed to be here during these times of profound change. But it's a double edged sword too. In many cases it's generating untold pressure within families and relationships: it's causing great friction and sometimes even tearing them apart. What can we do about this? I feel strongly in my heart we need to redefine the very nature of relationship...
Classic Archetypal Relationships Consider for a moment some of the classic archetypal relationships like marriages, partnerships, parent-child, friends and work colleagues. These are classic stereotypes that have been fixed quite rigidly in our collective consciousness, cemented by eons of conditioning.
Prior to this state of course, there is the conditioning of the ego to overcome. The ego builds loops of conditioned programming based on our upbringing and the dogmatic beliefs within society. We take on either controller or victim type mentality (or a mixture of both). Each behaviourism is like a computer program, it has a purpose and a need to run. All it requires is someone else to press the button. We end up living in co-dependant emotional and psychological states.
Working with the Law of Attraction We've formed internally fixed ideas and notions about how our relationships with people should be. These are not just conscious thoughts however. I'm speaking of an inner consciousness landscape that impacts our lives but for many, cannot even be seen or touched. They're not looking in the right place.
That's why embracing The Law of Attraction is so beneficial to us. We draw to ourselves the mirror: one which not only reflects how we are, but also how we could be. The mirror activates all kinds of inner buttons - like that of blame for example: "why are you doing this to me?" is the classic cry.
The problem is that soul's are working towards enlightenment- total freedom of expression and liberation. They don't want to be put on show like some bird of paradise and simply admired, they yearn to escape the cage and fly freely.
Opening Pandora's Box What I've frequently noticed in marriages and partnerships for example, is the challenge of one partner accelerating or having a breakthrough, whilst the other remains temporarily constant. It can place inordinate amounts of stress within a fixed 'relationship'.
If we get up one morning expecting our partner to be exactly how they were yesterday, speaking to them and treating them as some kind of fixed identity that we rotate around, then in effect, a prison of consciousness is being created to either stifle the unfolding soul or causing it to rebel.
And of course in being totally authentic, we provide the possibility for others to see their truth too. If we're always living according to their expectations, then the mirror we're supposed to provide is tainted and so we're actually disempowering them, because we remove the possibility of an accurate reflection...
Well actually, you probably need to peel away a few layers first!
If you love someone, set them free! In one of my three paternal/child 'relationships', which was at the time was struggling for true empathy and understanding, we jointly ditched the word "Dad". I encouraged my son to call me Chris and to embrace me exactly as he found me, without expectation. Likewise, I allowed myself to see him less of a son and to address him as I found him.
I can tell you it had a deeply profound effect, like switching from night to day. Any expectations (including karma on his part) wonderfully floated away like a helium balloon with the "Dad" label attached. Although we are both very different - in many ways like chalk and cheese - we have come to totally accept each other the way we are. It's taken all of the stress out of our relationship and now we have a fantastic mutual 'relating' situation that honours both.
By ditching the labels, it means we are coming closer together. It melts my heart!
The new relating My first marriage ended because we grew quickly apart. I don't see this as a 'bad' thing. I don't see relationships in the 'till death us do part' manner. I believe we have sacred contracts to work out with one another. Once the lessons have been learned, either the relationship will evolve and grow, or the path of the souls will part and each go separate ways to pastures new.
When I came into relationship the second time, with my soul mate, I can openly say it was with some trepidation. I had discovered blissful freedom. I didn't want to be constrained again. I simply knew all souls were meant to be free. I remember taking myself off into nature one day, having had a challenging time, pondering my new relationship, when the following realisation popped into my heart...
as building structures on shifting sand.
The sand has no relationship with the sea,
rather it relates to the ebb and flow of the waves
as and when they choose to kiss the shoreline."
Wow! It was like a bolt from the blue. Instantly I could comprehend how to be in this relationship: that it should be fluid and flowing; there should be no expectation; there should be space and openness; there should be total acceptance and embracing of where the other person is at. It means you can truly connect with the other, at a deep soul level. It means you can love them unconditionally. It means you can love them more!
Furthermore, such openness in our relating, is a powerful catalyst for your own evolution. No longer can you rely upon the tired excuses of yesterday, you have to be alive to the moment, vibrant, attentive, empathic and above all, open to change.
Essential qualities in evolved relating So how might we attain such openness within our 'relationships'?
Seven key qualities spring to mind...
Spaces in the togetherness So redefining our relationships into "evolved relating" offers enormous potential for evolutionary growth. The expansion causes continual confrontation of society's dogma. It's like being in a crucible, where diamonds are forged.
Now, I greatly value and cherish the relating experiences in my life. And I find that by committing to my truth and allowing the other to honour their's, means that I feel more committed within these engagements rather than less. Paradoxically, the new openness generates greater respect, unconditionality and commitment to one another.
Just as a wheel is defined by the space between the spokes, it's the space within relationships that forges the togetherness:
Khalil Gibran, The Prophet